The front page of the Ascended Times

The Ascended Times was a readable collection of knowledge of Ascended beings that Dr. Daniel Jackson could comprehend while he was not wholly ascended. Its slogan is "tomorrow's news today." When Daniel Jackson was in the Astral Diner, he was given two editions of the paper by "Jim." (SG1: "Threads")


  • "Jackson Still Undecided."
  • "Astral Diner to be given infinite status."
    • The author is Krik Neeloe.
  • "Yoga Not the path to enlightenment."
    • Subtitle: Your karma ran over my dogma.
    • The author is Semaj Snibbor. "James Robbins" 
  • "Edge of the Universe Discovered."
    • The author is Oelilag Kratan. "Galileo Natark"
  • "Seeing the Light"
    • Subtitle: There's a tunnel?
  • "Cat-astrophe"
  • "Ethereal Awareness Seminar to be held in Talnak Quadrant."
    • ​The author is Aseret Yu.
  • "Anubis plans to retake Dakara."
    • Subtitle: That's right folks he's back again and he's badder than ever.
  • "Wraith on the way to Atlantis."
  • "Consciousness Superhighway to go through."
    • The author is Mero Gartin (this is a spoonerism of Martin Gero's name).
  • "Family of Four Drowns in Transcendental Waterfall"
  • "Secret Plan Revealed"

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