Irresponsible/Transcript

Episode Guide
Irresponsible

Prologue
TEASER

EXT&mdash;ATLANTIS, DAY

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS GATE ROOM AREA

[Weir and Teyla walk along the catwalk of the secoond floor.]

WEIR This hero you speak of. He doesn't happen to have a name, does he?

TEYLA No. The Athosian who spoke to me of his deeds simply referred to him as a-a great hero of the town&mdash;a warrior who possesses almost "superhuman-like" powers.

[Ronon joins them on their way to the staircase.]

WEIR Hmm. Well, we've sent people to this planet before.

TEYLA Well, they're good traders and kind people.

WEIR I don't recall there being many "superheroes."

RONON Sounds like one of my people.

[They all laugh.]

WEIR Well, whoever it is, it would be nice to have someone like that on our side.

[Sheppard and Beckett await at the bottom of the stairs.]

SHEPPARD Provided the rumors are true. Sounds to me like someone's imagination's run a little wild.

TEYLA As I said, my fellow Athosian who spoke to me of this hero, saw him in action against several armed men.

RONON I do that all the time.

SHEPPARD Where's McKay?

[McKay comes running up.]

MCKAY (sarcastically) I'm here, I'm here. I just had to get my autograph book in case, uh, Teyla's superhero turned out to be the real deal.

WEIR Well, at the very least, see if you can establish trade relations with the townspeople.

TEYLA We will.

WEIR (to Control Room) Dial the gate.

WORMHOLE EFFECT

EXT&mdash;ALIEN VILLAGE, DAY

EXT&mdash;PATH TO VILLAGE, DAY

[The team head to the village. Some villagers working in the gardens watch them pass by.]

SHEPPARD My childhood hero was Evel Knieval.

TEYLA Was he not evil?

SHEPPARD Nah, that was just his name. He was a daredevil&hellip;which isn't kind of a devil&hellip;He just jumped motorcycles over things.

RONON Why?

SHEPPARD Just because. Didn't always make it, either.

TEYLA And you greatly admired this behavior?

SHEPPARD No, I just&hellip;look, at least my hero is human. McKay's is Batman!

MCKAY Mmm. Misunderstood and unappreciated by many, his most formidable weapon was the power of his brilliant mind. Not just a hero&mdash;a superhero.

BECKETT Dougie Angus Wood, the Highland Giant. Not only a hero, but a legend in Scotland.

RONON Marke Hartoren. My first unit commander. He once fought and killed twelve enemy soldiers, gutting them with his bare hands. He was also a funny guy, too.

MCKAY (dryly) Yes, I can imagine the jokes and the entrails flying.

EXT&mdash;VILLAGE, DAY

[The team enter the village.]

VILLAGER Good day, travelers.

TEYLA (smiling) Good day to you.

VILLAGER This is your first visit to our village?

TEYLA Several of my people have said that you are good and fair traders.

VILLAGER We are.

TEYLA My fellow Athosians also speak of a great hero who protects this town.

RONON Rumor has it he's a warrior with some impressive kills to his credit, including the Wraith.

VILLAGER This is true.

RONON Then, uh, there's a good chance he is one of my people.

TEYLA Can you take us to him?

VILLAGER Of course. This way.

[Several villagers laugh in the square surrounding someone.]

VILLAGER Here he is, the mightiest of heroes. Our champion protector&hellip;Lucius Lavin.

LUCIUS Well, will you look who it is.

[The team looks at each other in shock and disappointment.]

RONON You've got to be kidding me.

END TEASER

Episode
OPENING CREDITS

EXT&mdash;VILLAGE SQUARE, DAY

[Lucius regales the town with more of his stories. The Atlantis team looks equal parts incredulous and bored at the familiar, if exaggerated story.]

LUCIUS As I lay there, the Iratus bug's tendrils just grasping my throat, choking me. I could feel my very life essence ebb and wane. With every passing second, I could feel myself drawing closer to death. Had I been the only one in that building&mdash;the only one in that burning building, I would've surrendered&hellip;and allowed sleep to overtake me. But there were women and children there with me whose very survival lay in my hands, and I'm not about to let them down. So I reached deep down within me, and I summoned whatever strength I had. And I grabbed that bug and I ripped him away. And through sheer force of will, I began to choke him and&hellip;ow ow ow! Ow!

[He winces and whines very unheroically as Beckett injects him with a needle, taking a blood sample.]

LUCIUS (to Carson) I thought you said that wasn't going to hurt.

BECKETT I lied.

LUCIUS (still rubbing his arm) Ow. And I-I sprang up, and I led them all to safety.

[The villagers applaud.]

LUCIUS Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate it. Thanks very much.

SHEPPARD How?

LUCIUS What?

SHEPPARD Well, how'd you lead the people to safety?

RONON You said the way out was blocked.

LUCIUS Oh, you were listening. That's good. That's good. Because it was. It was blocked&hellip;until&hellip;I cleared a path through the burning wreckage. And ignoring the searing heat and the-the-the flames that were just swirling and swirling&hellip;

SHEPPARD But how did you uh&mdash;?

LUCIUS Okay. That's enough reminiscing for today. Believe me, there's plenty more where that story came from. So when we gather tomorrow, I'll tell you 'bout how I was almost seduced by a beautiful Ancient.

[Sheppard does a double-take. The crowd disperses, muttering in excitement about Lucius's tales.]

BECKETT (dryly) Sounds entertaining.

LUCIUS Yeah, you'd think so, but between you and me, not so much.

SHEPPARD You know, your stories are awfully fascinating&mdash;and familiar.

LUCIUS (sotto voce) All right, I admit, I took some "inspiration" from some of the mission reports that I perused while I was on Atlantis. But I spiced them. A little story here, a bit of a story there&hellip;

BECKETT All right, I'm done here.

LUCIUS Well, you're not going to find any trace of that special herb in my system. I learned my lesson the last time, thanks to all of you.

TEYLA (suspicious) You mean these people are not drugged, they simply&hellip;"adore" you for who you are?

LUCIUS Yeah. Ain't it great? (surprised) You don't believe me.

BECKETT Well, Lucius, I have a lab set up. So, I think I'll just run the test anyway.

LUCIUS You're wasting your time. In all modesty, these people love me, pure and true.

SHEPPARD Lucius, you can't say anything modestly.

LUCIUS I saved them. A couple of months ago, this bunch of ruffians come into town, start causing trouble. I beat 'em up, I chase 'em away. And all of a sudden, I'm the town hero. They give me gifts. The women are throwing themselves at me. It's like the old days, except better because now they're not drugged.

MCKAY (skeptically) Hang on, hang on. So you beat them up?

LUCIUS Yes. Me, I did.

RONON How'd you manage that?

LUCIUS It's not so hard&hellip;when you're invincible. I'm invincible.

SHEPPARD (chuckling) Right.

LUCIUS All right. Looks like this going to take some convincing. Oh, let me see&hellip;.perfect.

[He walks over to where some villagers are lifting a heavy pallet up to a second story using a pulley system.]

LUCIUS Hey! Time for a demonstration.

TEYLA What is he&hellip;?

[Lucius stands directly under the pallet.]

LUCIUS Let it go. Trust me, trust me.

[They let go of the rope pulley and the pallet crashed down upon Lucius. A green shield flickers around him, completely protecting him. Just like the Ancient shield McKay discovered a couple years ago.]

MCKAY Oh my god!

[Lucius steps away, perfectly fine.]

LUCIUS (to Ronon) Hit me. Do it, come on, hit me.

[Ronon eagerly steps forward.]

MCKAY I wouldn't. I'm telling ya, don't.

[Ronon punches Lucius and crushes his hand. He jumps around in considerable pain.]

LUCIUS (smug) See? Invincible. I can't be "vinced."

INT&mdash;TAVERN

[Lucius pulls out his shield device and places it on his outer clothes where it is visible to the team.]

LUCIUS As it turns out, I had this personal shield all along. It was a gift from one of my many admirers back at the old village&mdash;you know, before I was forced to pack up and leave&mdash;thank you very much. Anyway, I didn't even know what it was until I went to Atlantis&hellip;perused some of the mission reports about the Ancient devices that you guys discovered.

MCKAY You did an awful lot of "perusing" when you were on the base.

LUCIUS I peruse. It's a gift. (to barmaid) Hey sweetheart, whaddya say you come by my place tonight, and&mdash;

BARMAID No thanks.

LUCIUS Wait-wait-wait-wait! I'm the town hero.

BARMAID (scornfully) That was ages ago.

[She walks away. Everyone else smirks.]

LUCIUS (to team) Let me tell you something. You're only as good as your last rescue.

MCKAY (stammering) How is it that you're able to operate the Ancient technology without the ATA gene?

LUCIUS Oh, that was easy. All I had to do was find a guy with the gene, have him initiate the device. I mean, it took a long time, but you know once it was done, I could activate this thing any time I want.

SHEPPARD Fascinating. You do know those things run out of juice eventually, don't you?

LUCIUS Come on, these Ancient things last forever. Look, lunch is on me. I'm gonna go take a walk. If I don't see you before you leave, well then, I'll just&hellip;uh, well I'll talk to ya later.

[He tosses some coins on the table, stands, and puts on his coat.]

SHEPPARD We're not going anywhere until we get those test results.

LUCIUS (shrugs) Whatever you want. People to save.

[Lucius leaves.]

SHEPPARD Well&hellip;what do you think?

TEYLA Perhaps he's learned a lesson.

MCKAY He's Lucius! Are you kidding me?

SHEPPARD He's made a lot of mistakes in the past, but, uh, well who hasn't?

MCKAY Why are you looking at me?

SHEPPARD Look, at least he's trying to do something good in order to get people to like him this time.

[Beckett arrives.]

BECKETT Well, I've completed my tests. Looks like Lucius is telling the truth. No traces of the drug in his system. He's clean.

SHEPPARD (standing) That's our cue to leave.

MCKAY Wh-wh-wh-wait. Am I the only person here who thinks he is taking advantage of these poor people.

SHEPPARD C'mon, Rodney, you just want another crack at that shield.

[The others gather their gear and leave. Rodney stays seated at the table.]

MCKAY You're damn right I do! Look, it can come in extremely handy. Look, he's practically wasting it!

EXT&mdash;VILLAGE SQUARE, DAY

[The team heads into the square. Among the crowd, they see the villager who first met them.]

SHEPPARD Where's Lucius?

VILLAGER He went out for a stroll. He should be returning shortly.

SHEPPARD Well, whenever he gets back&hellip;tell him we said goodbye.

[The team walks away.]

VILLAGER Uh, um&hellip;all right.

RONON (low, to Sheppard) I think we're making a mistake.

SHEPPARD Yeah, we'll have the Athosians keep an eye out on everyone. If anything gets out of control, we'll come back.

[A woman screams. The team instantly draw their weapons. They're surrounded by armed humans. The crowd panics, then stills.]

AMARIS Drop your weapons or die where you stand. (after a pause) I said drop your weapons.

SHEPPARD We're not lookin' for a fight, we're just passing through town.

RONON (low to Sheppard) I've got two on my right and one straight dead ahead.

SHEPPARD (low) Two at twelve o'clock, one behind the fruit stand.

BECKETT (low, worried) If we act now, we risk injuring innocent villagers.

MCKAY (low, worried) And us&hellip;we risk injuring us.

RONON (low) I can take my three out before they get a shot off.

TEYLA (low) There may be others hidden where we cannot see.

RONON It's your call.

SHEPPARD (to ruffians) Here's the thing. If we all start shooting at each other, somebody's bound to get hurt. I can pretty much guarantee you'll be one of them.

AMARIS You this hero we've heard rumors of?

SHEPPARD No.

[Amaris turns and walks over to the bystanders, grabbing the barmaid who brushed Lucius off earlier.]

AMARIS Come here. Come.

BARMAID No!

[He pulls her with him as a hostage, holding a gun to her head.]

AMARIS Then lower your weapons.

[They remain at a standoff for a few moments.]

SHEPPARD Okay.

[He lowers his gun.]

RONON (warning) Sheppard?

SHEPPARD Trust me on this one.

[The team lowers their guns. They're forced to their knees, their hands cuffed behind them.]

AMARIS (yelling to crowd) So where is this hero? The one who'd surely stop us from emptying the town's coffers? Helping ourselves to its women? Burning it to the ground once we're done&hellip;? So tell me?! Where is he? Where is this great hero who'd keep us from destroying everything you hold dear?

LUCIUS (appearing suddenly) He's right here!

[The villagers start to applaud, calling out praise and Lucius's name.]

LUCIUS For I am the man you seek.

AMARIS Kill him!

[The ruffians strike at Lucius all at once with large sticks and knives. Nothing gets past the Ancient shield. Lucius then takes them one on one in hand combat with the force of the shield, defeating them easily. They start to run away.]

LUCIUS Get out! Don't come back! For so long as I protect these people, this town shall be safe.

VILLAGERS Lucius! Lucius!

[They run and embrace him. The team stares bemused.]

INT&mdash;VILLAGE TAVERN

[Lucius sits at the table, drinking and telling more stories. The barmaid sits in his lap. Sheppard's team enters.]

LUCIUS So, I finish off the last Wraith guard. And I turn around and look at the queen and I say, "you know, if you were twenty pounds heavier, you'd look like my ex-wife." (everyone laughs) I said that because she was so fat. (notices the team) Hey! Colonel Sheppard! Hey come in, come in. Sit down. (to barmaid) Make way. Get&mdash;let-let 'em have a seat.

[The women leave the table.]

SHEPPARD No, no. We have to go.

LUCIUS You sure? Because they're making some kind of a schnitzel in my honor tonight.

SHEPPARD No, we gotta get back.

LUCIUS Ah. Well I guess the only thing left to do is for you to thank me.

RONON What for?

LUCIUS For saving your lives.

SHEPPARD (insincerely) Thank you.

LUCIUS Please, it was nothing.

SHEPPARD Yeah, it was nothing.

LUCIUS What are you talking about "it was nothing." These people had you on your knees. SHEPPARD Yes, they did.

LUCIUS Well, you're welcome.

[The team leaves. As they exit, Lucius calls out to them.]

LUCIUS Be careful on the way back to the 'gate. Because, there's-there's talk of some angry raiders in the area!

EXT&mdash;VILLAGE SQUARE, DAY

[Just outside the tavern door, a furious Ronon turns to go back in. Sheppard holds him back.]

SHEPPARD No-no-no. Let's go.

[The team walks away.]

INT&mdash;TAVERN

LUCIUS You know what, I think I'm gonna go out for a walk. Take a look around. Make sure those ruffians are gone for good, all right? Don't you worry. I'll be back.

[He kisses the barmaid and leaves.]

EXT&mdash;OUTSKIRTS OF VILLAGE, DAY

[Lucius walks out of the village and through some wild grasses, watching to ensure he isn't followed. He crosses a bridge, pausing a moment. He continues to stop at various points. After entering some woods, he reaches a building where all the ruffians are camped. One man, Fortnum, has his arm in a sling.]

LUCIUS Nice job, everybody! Very convincing.

AMARIS Little too convincing. Took out three of Lanko's teeth and broke Fortnum's wrist.

LUCIUS Hey, I had to make it look good. Anyway, here's a little something that may make it worthwhile.

[He pulls out a small bag of coins and hands them to Amaris. Amaris counts them.]

AMARIS This isn't the amount we agreed on.

LUCIUS Yeah, well, to tell you the truth, you guys didn't really seem to have your hearts in it.

AMARIS We had a deal.

LUCIUS Well, maybe next time, you'll make more of an effort.

AMARIS How dare you speak down to us. We were elite soldiers in the Genii army, Cowan's personal guard.

LUCIUS Yeah, you were. Now you're mercenaries. C'mon, as far as jobs for hire go, this wasn't so bad. You come in, you scare a few people, you take a few punches, then you leave. You get paid, nobody gets hurt. Well, except for Lanko&hellip;and of course Fortnum with his gimpy wrist. Sorry about that, buddy!

AMARIS We may have been forced from our homes when Ladon Radim took power. We're still Genii. And one of these days, we'll march into the capital and retake what was ours.

LUCIUS Yeah, well&hellip;good luck with that.

[Lucius walks out of the clearing. Unbeknownst to him, the Atlantis team is hidden among the trees.]

EXT&mdash;VILLAGE, DAY

[A boy keeps kicking Lucius at his urging. He laughs; it doesn't hurt.]

LUCIUS Oh, come on. Kick me. Again. Yeah, yeah. There you go. Anybody else? Anybody else wanna take a crack at me? Huh?

[Sheppard's team returns. Lucius spots them.]

LUCIUS Hey, hey, what are you doing back here? I thought you left town.

SHEPPARD We were leaving when we ran into this gentleman who has a very interesting story to tell.

[Sheppard gestures at the injured Genii Fortnum, who is just entering the square.]

LUCIAN (nervously, to crowd) Uh&hellip;speaking of stories. Um&hellip;did I ever tell the story about the time that I was on this planet made entirely of lava?

TEYLA There's no point in pretending, Lucius!

RONON You lied to these people.

SHEPPARD This man's not a hero. He paid those men to show up and then made it look like he came to your rescue.

FORTNUM It's true. It was all a set-up to make him look like he saved the town.

[Lucius hangs his head.]

VILLAGER Deceiver.

SHEPPARD Well, you do have every right to be upset with him.

VILLAGER Not him&hellip;you!

[Other villagers cry out their agreement.]

SHEPPARD Me!?

VILLAGER Unable to accept the shame of surrendering to those raiders, he chooses to besmirch our Lucius.

SHEPPARD (protesting) The whole thing was an act. The guns weren't even loaded!

VILLAGER TWO If it were not for Lucius, you and your friends would all be dead!

BECKETT No, no, he tricked you. You don't know him like we do.

MCKAY (pointing to himself) We're the good guys.

[The villagers start turning into a mob against the team, yelling at them to leave.]

INT&mdash;LUCIUS'S HOME

[The team is in Lucius's home. Lucius sits in a chair nearby, eating grapes and getting his feet massaged by the two barmaids.]

LUCIUS Listen, I want to apologize for the whole "angry mob" thing.

TEYLA (reluctantly) I suppose we should be grateful.

MCKAY Yes, well you did stop them from swarming us.

LUCIUS Just consider it my way of saying all is forgiven.

SHEPPARD All right, I'm putting a stop to this.

LUCIUS Aw, c'mon! They just got started!

SHEPPARD I'm not talking about the foot massage&hellip;Actually, I am talking about the foot massage.

LUCIUS All right, all right. Girls, come back later, all right?

[The two women take their ointments and leave.]

SHEPPARD This&hellip;little scam of yours&hellip;

LUCIUS Scam? What scam?

TEYLA You are taking advantage of these people!

LUCIUS I know it looks that way, but I was being honest about that bunch of thugs that attacked this village a couple of months ago. You know, this is a nice town, nice people. And they needed somebody to save 'em, so I did. I was a hero! Now today's incident&hellip;

MCKAY You mean performance.

LUCIUS It was just my way of reminding them of that fact. In fact, I insisted the guns not be loaded so nobody would get hurt.

SHEPPARD That was nice of you.

LUCIUS (bitterly) Yeah, then you had to go and figure it all out.

SHEPPARD You're going out there right now, and you're gonna come clean with these people.

RONON Or else.

LUCIUS Or else what?

[Ronon starts toward him.]

LUCIUS Ah-ah-ah-ah. No, you can't threaten me, on account of my shield. And they're not gonna believe you. Hey, you're trying to figure out a way to hurt me, aren't you.

RONON Yep.

LUCIUS Yeah. Well, you keep thinking, big boy, 'cause&hellip;

[They hear a commotion, including gunfire, outside. The team goes to the window; Sheppard casts a suspicious glance at Lucius, who raises his hands innocently.]

LUCIUS It's not me this time, I swear.

[Through the windows, they see Kolya and a group of Genii soldiers terrorizing the town.]

SHEPPARD (shocked) Kolya.

[They watch as Kolya scopes out the town. Sheppard moves to the back of the building to look out the other windows.]

SHEPPARD The soldiers are Genii. They're part of a, uh&hellip;

LUCIUS Oh, I know all about Kolya and the Genii. When I was on Atlantis, I perused&hellip;

SHEPPARD (interrupting) &hellip;mission reports. Right, right.

BECKETT This is very bad.

LUCIUS Nah, nah, this is great! This'll be a great opportunity for me to solidify my place in the community. They're gonna give me a parade after this one.

[He reaches to open the door.]

SHEPPARD Hey! Hang on! You're not taking on Kolya and his men.

LUCIUS Why not? They can't hurt me. I've got the personal shield.

MCKAY And if they burn the town down around you out of spite?

LUCIUS Well, that'd be petty of them.

SHEPPARD Yeah, well, they're like that.

RONON Obviously, somebody tipped them off that we're here.

LUCIUS (to Sheppard) So go ahead, shoot him.

SHEPPARD Good idea.

[He cocks his weapon and steps forward.]

TEYLA Colonel, you can't!

SHEPPARD Just Kolya.

TEYLA The shooting will not stop then.

RONON She's right. We'll have to kill them all&hellip;I'm all right with that, by the way.

SHEPPARD Good, let's do it.

TEYLA (admonishing) John.

SHEPPARD (annoyed) What?

TEYLA You can't.

SHEPPARD Oh, I'm pretty sure I can. In fact&mdash;

TEYLA If we engage in open fire with them, then many of these townspeople will certainly be killed. They do not deserve to die because of us. If they search the town and cannot find us, then they will simply move on.

BECKETT Nobody gets hurt. That's my vote, and my heartfelt recommendation.

SHEPPARD You wanna hide.

MCKAY Well, we could call it, uh, strategic concealment.

LUCIUS I've got just the place.

SHEPPARD I'm sure you do.

LUCIUS Here.

[Lucius moves to a grandfather clock along one wall. He opens the glass protecting the clock face, then turns the hands of the clock. The wall shifts and a hidden room is revealed.]

LUCIUS See, I like to entertain. And, on occasion, a husband will get angry, come looking for his wife. So to avoid an awkward scenario&hellip;

SHEPPARD Okay, we get it.

[He nods to the room, and the team enter.]

LUCIUS I'll let you know when the bad guys clear out.

SHEPPARD Mm-hmm. Don't screw around, Lucius. All right? Tell 'em we've moved on. Once they get out of town, and they're out in the open, we'll deal with it ourselves. This is no time to be a hero, you understand?

LUCIUS Perfectly.

SHEPPARD I'm serious.

LUCIUS I can see that. No heroics!

[He holds up his hand as an oath, then closes the secret door. Lucius shrugs on his coat and exits.]

EXT&mdash;VILLAGE SQUARE, DAY

[Genii soldiers have the square completely under their control.]

LUCIUS All right, that's enough. Take your men and get out. This town is under my protection.

KOLYA (amused) Is it?

LUCIUS It is. So you've got two choices. You can either leave, or I'll make you leave.

[Kolya blandly draws his weapon and fires a killing shot at Lucius. The shield blocks the blast.]

KOLYA Interesting.

LUCIUS Is that the best you can do?

KOLYA As a matter of fact, no. It isn't.

LATER

[A soldier holds Lucius's head below water in the well pump. Finally he releases him. Lucius gasps and splutters, coughing to regain his breath.]

LUCIUS Oh, I admit, I got a shield, but I gotta breathe. I should've thought of that.

[Amaris arrives, escorted by two guards.]

AMARIS Not so invincible now, are we hero?

LUCIUS You led them here?

AMARIS They been looking for this Sheppard a long time.

LUCIUS We had a deal!

AMARIS I saw an opportunity, and I took it. No different than what you did with these villagers.

LUCIUS But I didn't hurt anybody! All right, you know, that guy Lanko&hellip;and the one with the gimpy wrist.

KOLYA Look, I don't want to hurt you or anyone in this town. All I want is Sheppard and his team.

LUCIUS But I told you, ya missed them. Look, maybe if you hurry, you can get 'em before they get to the 'gate.

KOLYA My men are already guarding the gate. I'll ask you once more, where are they?

LUCIUS I don't know&hellip;I don't!

KOLYA Well, then we'll have to do a thorough job of searching the area&hellip;which could take hours. How long can you hold your breath?

[The soldier dunks Lucius underwater again.]

INT&mdash;LUCIUS'S HOME

[Soldiers enter and immediately open the hidden chamber. It is empty. They leave.]

INT&mdash;SECOND STORY, VILLAGER HOME

[From the next house, the Atlantis team watches the guards.]

SHEPPARD Well&hellip;that didn't take too long. All right, let's get out of this town and set up a decent ambush without all these people around.

[They leave.]

EXT&mdash;VILLAGE SQUARE, DAY

[Lucius sits at the edge of the fountain, looking tired and sad. Kolya comes and sits next to him.]

KOLYA They weren't there.

LUCIUS Really? That's weird. Wonder where they could've gone?

KOYLA That personal shield of yours is very interesting.

LUCIUS (distracted) Yeah.

KOLYA If we were to bury you alive, it would protect you from the weight of the soil, but you would still suffocate. Fascinating way to die, don't you think?

LUCIUS Gotta tell ya, it's not that fascinating to me.

KOLYA (chuckling) It is to me.

[He stands and nods to the guards.]

LUCIUS Wait, wait, you can't kill me. Look, I'm the perfect bait. If Sheppard finds out that I'm in trouble, he's gonna come rescue me. We're really close.

[Kolya stops and turns back, his expression clearly skeptical.]

KOLYA You and Sheppard?

LUCIUS Yeah.

KOLYA I don't think so.

[He continues to walk away.]

LUCIUS Then Weir&hellip;or-or Rodney or Carson. We're like&mdash;we're like the best of friends.

[Kolya comes closer.]

KOLYA And how is it you know them so well?

[Lucius stands.]

LUCIUS I spent some time in Atlantis. It's the nicest place I've ever been. Best time I ever had. It-it's like I remember&mdash;like I was there this morning!

KOLYA (intrigued) Tell me more.

INT&mdash;VILLAGE TAVERN

[Lucius and the Genii are sitting around, drinking alcoholic beverages.]

LUCIUS So I finish off the last Wraith guard, and I turn to the queen and I say-I say: "If you were twenty pounds heavier, you'd look like my ex-wife."

[Lucius and the guards laugh drunkenly.]

LUCIUS Of course, my ex-wife was a knockout, but you know, where's the funny in that?

[This time he's the only one laughing.]

AMARIS You know that personal shield's amazing. Mind if I try it?

LUCIUS Yeah, go ahead, go ahead.

[He pats the shield on his breast.]

AMARIS Give it right back.

[Amaris reaches over but is repelled by the shield. The guards and Lucius laugh.]

LUCIUS Gotcha, uh? Oh, you think I'd let you have this? You'd kill me right on the spot.

AMARIS (nodding, grinning) I'd slit your throat from ear to ear.

[They laugh again, Lucius's laugh is more nervous.]

LUCIUS Good times&hellip;good times.

KOLYA As much as I love hearing about your former wives, Lucius, I'd rather hear more about what you know of Atlantis.

LUCIUS I told you everything already.

KOLYA In that case, it's getting late and I could use some rest before the funeral.

LUCIUS Funeral?

[Kolya gets up and leaves. The guards follow.]

LUCIUS Oh no. Oh no-no. Don't bury me alive. Please, I don't deserve that. You know what I-I-Nobody deserves that. I deserve banishment. That's what I des&hellip;

[The last Genii walks out the door, shutting it behind them. As soon as they're gone, Sheppard appears from a back entrance.]

SHEPPARD Lucius?

LUCIUS What are you doing here?

SHEPPARD Kolya's got all the exits out of town covered, and rumor has it they were going to bury you alive.

LUCIUS I can't believe it. You came to save me? SHEPPARD Yeah, well neither can I. Let's go.

LUCIUS Yeah, I can't-I can't. I'm tied to the chair.

[Sheppard sighs and crouches under the table to undo the bindings. He spots a dynamite-like bomb attached to the table.]

SHEPPARD Whoa no. Good luck with that shield.

[He pats Lucius on the shoulder and runs out.]

LUCIUS What? Come on. Untie me!

EXT&mdash;VILLAGE OUTSIDE TAVERN

[Sheppard barely escapes the room before the explosion and is knocked down by the blast and debris.]

EXT&mdash;VILLAGE ALLEYWAY, DAY

[Ronon moves swiftly down the street, his weapon primed as he looks for intruders. Genii start to surround him, and he keeps his weapon pointed at them.]

MCKAY Ow!

[Behind him, Ronon notices McKay has already been taken prisoner by the Genii. They threaten to hurt him if Ronon does not surrender. He relinquishes his weapon.]

EXT&mdash;ANOTHER VILLAGE ALLEYWAY, DAY

[Teyla also moves down the street, standing off against some Genii. She spins seeing some ways blocked by guards and Beckett being led by others. She surrenders.]

EXT&mdash;VILLAGE SQUARE, DAY

[From the alley, Sheppard sees the rest of his team led into the square as prisoners. He runs away. A disheveled Lucius stumbles out of the tavern. Kolya is waiting in the square.]

LUCIUS What are you crazy? You coulda killed me!

KOLYA That shield of yours impresses me more and more. You did your part Lucius. You get to live another day.

KOLYA (to Amaris) Sheppard?

AMARIS He got away.

KOLYA That's unfortunate.

[He raises his pistol and fires at Amaris, but nothing happens. Amaris breathes a sigh of relief.]

AMARIS Thanks for sparing me, sir.

KOLYA Don't disappoint me again. (to other Genii) Secure the prisoners. Perhaps they'll be more effective bait.

[As they all move off, Kolya hands his sidearm to an aide that remains.]

KOLYA Get this fixed.

EXT&mdash;VILLAGE, DAY

[Sheppard evades guards as they patrol the area.]

EXT&mdash;VILLAGE JAIL, DAY

[The rest of the Atlantis team is held prisoner in a large cell, its open bars along one side facing onto the street.]

TEYLA Do you think he got away?

BECKETT If they captured the colonel, wouldn't he be here with us?

MCKAY He'll be back in a jumper in no time.

[The villager who first greeted the team arrives with bowls of soup.]

MCKAY Oh!

[He quickly grabs the food and starts eating. The others take bowls.]

VILLAGER Your friend escaped the village. They are still looking for him.

MCKAY (between mouthfuls) Eh, if they haven't found him yet, chances are he managed to slip the perimeter.

VILLAGER (pleased) Yes. He and Lucius are no doubt plotting our rescue as we speak.

MCKAY Lucius?

VILLAGER He would not abandon us.

MCKAY Oh sure he wouldn't. Just like he wouldn't sell us out while we were trying to rescue him.

VILLAGER He would never do that!

MCKAY Okay, you know what? Just stop it! All right? Lucius is not a superhero! Batman, that's a superhero.

VILLAGER I don't understand.

TEYLA Your people cannot place their future in Lucius's hands. The time has come for you to save yourselves.

VILLAGER We have no hope of defeating these soldiers.

RONON You will with our help.

VILLAGER Then why did you not do so before?

TEYLA We were concerned for the safety of the village.

RONON Now we don't care.

MCKAY Okay, just pretend he didn't say that, and then just let us out of here.

VILLAGER (after thinking it over) No. It's too dangerous. Best to wait for Lucius to return, then he'll save us all.

[He walks away, smiling.]

BECKETT No, wait! Lucius isn't a hero!

EXT&mdash;OUTSKIRTS OF VILLAGE, DAY

[Sheppard evades another patrol. As he begins to move out, he hears and sees motion behind him. He raises his weapon. Lucius breaks out of the foliage.]

LUCIUS Don't, don't! Don't! I swear I didn't know about the bomb. I don't know what those guys were doing under there.

SHEPPARD How the hell did you get out here?

[He turns and starts walking again, weapon ready for Genii. Lucius follows.]

LUCIUS Everybody's looking for you. I just walked out unnoticed. Isn't that something? So what are we going to do?

SHEPPARD What are we going to do? Well, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna get by Kolya's men so I can get to the 'Gate and call for reinforcements.

LUCIUS Reinforcements? Whaddya say we just get off this planet?

SHEPPARD My team is back there.

LUCIUS Yeah, so is a guy who wants to bury me alive!

SHEPPARD Oh, you're done playing hero now, are you? Fine. You can leave as soon as we get to the 'Gate. Just keep up.

LUCIUS You're angry now, aren't you?

SHEPPARD Shut up!

LUCIUS See, now, that's anger!

EXT&mdash;VILLAGE JAIL, DAY

[Ronon tugs and kicks against the bars to no effect. Beckett sighs, then turns to see McKay digging at the back wall of the cell with his soup spoon.]

BECKETT Rodney, you're not trying to dig your way outta here, are you?

MCKAY See if you can find another spoon. With someone helping, this will go twice as fast.

TEYLA Someone's coming.

[McKay hides his spoon. Kolya walks over to their cell.]

KOLYA I have to give Colonel Sheppard credit. No opponent's ever caused me this much trouble. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to kill him.

MCKAY That's funny, he says the same thing about you.

KOLYA Really? (he laughs) I'm flattered.

RONON But you can't kill him if you can't catch him.

KOLYA (sobering) I will. Eventually.

MCKAY And what about us, huh? How do we fit into your, uh&hellip;evil plans for galactic domination?

KOLYA You'll be allowed to stay alive for the time being&hellip;unless you were stupid enough to eat the meal you were served.

[McKay drops his hidden spoon and grabs at his throat, beginning to choke in panic. Beckett reaches out to help him. Kolya laughs.]

KOLYA I'm just kidding.

[McKay stops clutching his throat, relieved.]

MCKAY Oh thank god.

KOLYA In fact, I intend to send you back to Atlantis in exchange for a few things.

BECKETT There's no way Doctor Weir would cut a deal with you, even if our lives are in danger. You know that.

KOLYA In the past, I may have been a little too ambitious with my demands. This time, however, I have no intention of backing Doctor Weir into a corner. After all, what's a small number of your P-90s, a few grenades, and some ammunition in exchange for your lives? And who knows? If we're successful in toppling Ladon, and I assume rightful leadership of the Genii, we could end up allies.

RONON (snarling) That's not going to happen, Kolya.

BECKETT While we're standing here having this little chat, there's no doubt Colonel Sheppard has reached the Stargate and contacted Atlantis. In just a matter of minutes, this village will be swarming with our people.

KOLYA And I can guarantee you, that's not going to happen either.

EXT&mdash;GARDENS NEAR THE STARGATE

[Sheppard and Lucius move through the foliage. They get to the Stargate to see it heavily guarded by Genii]

LUCIUS I don't believe this. Isn't it the worst day you could imagine?

KOLYA (into Atlantis radio) Colonel Sheppard? I'm going to assume you can hear me.

[Sheppard jerks at hearing Kolya's voice in his earpiece. He raises a finger to his lips to silence Lucius and listen to the broadcast.]

KOLYA (over radio) I'm also going to assume that&hellip;

EXT&mdash;VILLAGE JAIL CELL

KOLYA (continuing into radio) &hellip;if you haven't reached the 'Gate by now, you soon will. So I want to save you some trouble. My men have secured the 'gate. There's no way you're getting through. Come back and face me, Colonel, or I'll start killing your friends.

EXT&mdash;GARDENS NEAR THE STARGATE

[Sheppard looks worried.]

EXT&mdash;VILLAGE JAIL, DAY

[Kolya unholsters his sidearm and waves it at the imprisoned team.]

KOLYA (into radio) Which one of them shall we kill first? I'm leaning toward Doctor McKay, myself. Colonel?

SHEPPARD (via radio) Kolya, this is Sheppard. I'm coming back.

KOLYA (into radio, smiling) Don't keep me waiting.

[He puts down the radio.]

MCKAY That's what this is all about? Killing Sheppard?

KOLYA Absolutely, Doctor McKay! But don't feel left out. If I don't get those weapons from Doctor Weir, I fully intend to kill you as well.

[Kolya walks away.]

EXT&mdash;AREA OUTSIDE VILLAGE, DAY

[Lucius and Sheppard walk back to the village.]

LUCIUS I'm coming with you.

SHEPPARD You're sure?

LUCIUS No&hellip;um&hellip;yeah&hellip;I am. I am. I'm gonna come&hellip;I'm coming with you. Just&hellip;

SHEPPARD Yes or no?

LUCIUS Don't pressure me like this! I'm gonna come with you&mdash;

SHEPPARD Make up your mind!

LUCIUS I'm gonna help you out! Okay? Oh boy, they better give me a parade for this one.

INT&mdash;VILLAGE, DAY

INT&mdash;VILLAGE JAIL, DAY

[Several guards come, including Amaris who opens the cell door.]

MCKAY (nervously) What's going on?

AMARIS Out! Let's go!

[The team is herded into the square.]

EXT&mdash;NEAR VILLAGE, DAY

[Lucius and Sheppard walk the path to the village.]

LUCIUS I'm just spitballing here. What if we hugged each other&hellip;and the device would-would, uh, you know, help us, uh&hellip;

SHEPPARD I don't like that idea.

LUCIUS No, I know&hellip;

SHEPPARD Bad idea.

LUCIUS I don't think that&hellip;

SHEPPARD And it's not possible.

LUCIUS Yeah, It doesn't work that way. Okay, okay. Here's one. What if I swung from a clock tower on a long rope, right into town.

SHEPPARD And&hellip;?

LUCIUS I don't know. That's all I have. I could set myself on fire?

SHEPPARD I like that.

LUCIUS (rueful grin) Okay&hellip;um&hellip;I could run naked&hellip;oh, I know, I know! I have one! What if I got on your shoulders, and we have a cloak-like thing&hellip;some religious thing they could be afraid of giants?

LATER

LUCIUS Okay&hellip;what if we build a tunnel? Okay, we could tunnel&hellip;? Or&hellip;a&hellip;boulder! Huge boulder. I'm camouflaged. I'm protected. Now the boulder protects you. Or, um&hellip;a magnifying glass&hellip;and some tape!

SHEPPARD I have an idea, Lucius.

LUCIUS Some poisoned tape.

INT&mdash;VILLAGE ROOM

[The villagers are all gathered in this room, watching the Genii through the window. Lucius sneaks in the back door.]

VILLAGER Lucius!

BARMAID I knew you'd return to save us.

LUCIUS I've returned. But&hellip;you people, you're gonna have to save yourselves.

[The villagers mutter "what" and murmur in consternation.]

VILLAGER You do not wish to help us?

LUCIUS No-no-no. Of course I wanna help. It's just&hellip;look, what if I wasn't here? What would you do then?

VILLAGER Wait for you to come back?

LUCIUS All right, there-there's the problem. What if I didn't know you were in trouble? Or&hellip;I couldn't get back in time? What would you do then? I mean, look, you're a great group of people. It's a lovely town. But, there's a lot of horrible people out there, so you gotta fend for yourselves. Starting today.

BARMAID I-I understand what Lucius is saying.

LUCIUS You do?

BARMAID Well, by allowing him to assume the responsibility of protecting us, we're surrendering our independence.

LUCIUS That's right!

BARMAID Right. So, in exchange for the convenience of having someone safeguard our town, we're giving up the very part of ourselves we seek to protect!

LUCIUS Listen to her. She's smart!

BARMAID We need to regain our strength and our independence by taking responsibility for our lives, and the lives of our neighbors.

[The villagers are all murmuring in agreement.]

LUCIUS Yep.

BARMAID (gaining confidence) After today, we will no longer be dependent on one man.

LUCIUS (nervously) Well okay, okay&hellip;

BARMAID (intensely) There will be no champion protector. For it will fall to us to protect&mdash;

LUCIUS Okay, okay. Hold up-hold up. Wait-wait-wait. You're getting a little carried away here. Okay? Independence is a great thing, but so is the comfort of having somebody there to pick up the slack now and again, okay. You don't want to be doing it all the time, because, you know, you got jobs. Or, you-you have hobbies, right? Beardo here, he likes to fish. Right? (the bearded man nods in agreement) You don't want to be bothered by having to "rise up" and save the village every day. You know what I mean? But that's a thought for another day. Okay? For today, you're gonna have to fight for yourselves. (pats barmaid on shoulder) Okay, so remember what you said about strength, and integrity, and responsibility. So you get out there, and you fight for your town! Go to the alleys. Spread the word! Now go-get out! Get out! Okay, yes, rally, rally. Yes, good kid.

[The rallied villagers scramble to prepare.]

EXT&mdash;VILLAGE SQUARE

KOLYA (into radio) Colonel Sheppard?

AMARIS Maybe he changed his mind.

[Kolya glares at Amaris.]

KOLYA (into radio) You're out of time, Colonel.

[He tosses the radio away.]

KOLYA Doctor McKay!

[Ronon steps in front of McKay.]

RONON Me first.

[Teyla steps in front of Ronon.]

TEYLA No me.

BECKETT I'll do it.

MCKAY I'm&hellip;

KOLYA Well, how positively moving. I almost wish I could shoot you all at once.

[He raises his pistol.]

SHEPPARD Kolya!

[Sheppard appears from the other side of the square. Kolya holsters his sidearm. All the other soldiers keep their weapons trained on Sheppard, except for those holding the rest of the team.]

KOLYA I should've killed you when we first met, Colonel. It would've saved me a lot of trouble.

SHEPPARD The feeling's mutual.

KOLYA Goodbye, Sheppard.

[The soldiers start shooting. They expend several rounds from various guns, but all are repelled by the green Ancient force field. After they're done, Sheppard unzips his tactical vest, revealing the device.]

SHEPPARD Well, now that you've got that out of your system&hellip;

[The shield shorts out.]

SHEPPARD Oh crap.

KOLYA Reload!

[The soldiers begin reloading. Lucius walks into the square.]

LUCIUS Don't bother!

KOLYA You should've left town when you had the chance.

[The villagers swarm out of all the buildings, carrying rifles, pitchforks, picks, and other makeshift weapons. They heavily outnumber the Genii.]

LUCIUS I'm sure you're thinking the same thing right about now.

SHEPPARD If I gave you the opportunity to surrender, I don't suppose you'd take it?

[Kolya chuckles.]

SHEPPARD I didn't think so.

[They stare each other down, then both draw their sidearms. Sheppard outdraws Kolya, shooting him dead.]

SHEPPARD (to other Genii) Put down your weapons.

[The Genii surrender.]

LATER

[A large table has been set out, brightly decorated. The villagers are happy, setting up a celebration. Lucius walks with the Atlantis team.]

LUCIUS You sure you guys can't stay for some schnitzel? I mean, this is a party for you guys as much anybody, right?

SHEPPARD You guys have a good time. We're overdue.

LUCIUS Well, thanks for everything.

SHEPPARD Just remember, stay out of trouble, or we'll be back.

LUCIUS Oh&hellip;uh, Colonel Sheppard? Aren't you forgetting something?

SHEPPARD (smiling) Oh, yeah. I did say I'd give that back to you, didn't I?

[Sheppard reaches into one of his vest pockets.]

LUCIUS Yes you did.

[Sheppard slaps the Ancient shield device onto Lucius's chest.]

LUCIUS (smiling) You're a good man. You're an honest man. And you made me a better man myself, you know that, don't you?

SHEPPARD Good. Bye, Lucius.

[Sheppard seems to be fighting a smile. The rest of his team look bemused as they follow Sheppard out of the village.]

MCKAY I thought you said that personal shield was depleted?

SHEPPARD Oh yeah.

TEYLA Then, it is worthless.

SHEPPARD (shrugging) Pretty much.

BECKETT You're not going to tell Lucius?

SHEPPARD Nope.

LUCIUS Hit me as hard as you can.

[The child kicks Lucius in the shins. Lucius doubles over in pain.]

LUCIUS Ow! Ow! Ow!

SHEPPARD He'll figure it out.

FADE OUT

END CREDITS

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