Duet/Transcript

Episode Guide
Duet" Episode Guide

Transcript
TEASER

EXT&mdash;STARGATE CLEARING ON PLANET, DAY

[Several Marines are guarding the Stargate, which stands in the open on a grassy hillside. There is smoke rising from the trees in the background and evidence of burnt buildings in front of the gate.]

EXT&mdash;FOREST ON PLANET, DAY

[Sheppard and two marines are making their way through the forest.]

SHEPPARD All right. I'm about ready to call this one. Doesn't look like there are any survivors.

EXT&mdash;FOREST ON PLANET, DAY

[In another part of the forest, Teyla, Lorne and a Marine are walking past the remains of a settlement.]

TEYLA The cullings are getting more and more intense.

SHEPPARD (over radio) You said it yourself&hellip;

EXT&mdash;FOREST ON PLANET, DAY

[Sheppard and two marines are making their way through the forest.]

SHEPPARD (into radio) Too many Wraith woke up at the same time. Too many mouths to feed, or hands to feed.

EXT&mdash;FOREST ON PLANET, DAY

[In another part of the forest, Teyla, Lorne and a Marine are walking past the remains of a settlement.]

LORNE We're heading back to the 'gate. Meet you there?

EXT&mdash;OPEN AREA ON PLANET, DAY

[McKay, Beckett and Cadman are walking across the field.]

SHEPPARD (over radio) Sounds like a plan. McKay, Beckett, you having any luck?

BECKETT Negative, Colonel. We haven't found anyone.

SHEPPARD (over radio) Make your way back to the 'gate.

EXT&mdash;FOREST ON PLANET, DAY

[Sheppard and two marines are making their way through the forest.]

BECKETT (over radio) Will do. Beckett out.

EXT&mdash;OPEN AREA ON PLANET, DAY

[McKay, Beckett and Cadman are walking across the field.]

CADMAN So, maybe you should pick some wild flowers from around here. I think she'd get a kick out of that.

MCKAY What are you talking about?

CADMAN You've got a date tomorrow night with Katie Brown, right? She's a botanist. She never gets to go off-world.

BECKETT What's this now?

MCKAY It's nothing. Nothing.

BECKETT (snickering) You have a date, Rodney? With a woman?

MCKAY (testily) It is simply two adults sharing some friendly&hellip; Yes, with a woman!

CADMAN Well, she's excited about it. I'm not sure why, though.

MCKAY How would you know?

CADMAN Girls' poker night. I know a lot of things, McKay.

MCKAY And I'm sure it is none of your business. This is inappropriate field conversation.

CADMAN What? I was just suggesting you might want to pick flowers.

[A buzzing can be heard in the distance.]

MCKAY Yes, and maybe you should just do your job, which is to protect us&hellip;

CADMAN Shut up.

[The buzzing getting louder.]

MCKAY Shut up? Let me tell you something&hellip;

CADMAN Hey, stop speaking!

[They stop and listen.]

CADMAN Dart.

EXT&mdash;FOREST ON PLANET, DAY

[Sheppard stops to listen to Cadman's report.]

CADMAN (over radio) We have a Dart incoming.

EXT&mdash;FOREST ON PLANET, DAY

[In another part of the forest, Teyla, Lorne and the Marine break into a run

EXT&mdash;OPEN AREA ON PLANET, DAY

[Cadman signals to Beckett and McKay.]

CADMAN Move it!

[The three break into a run.]

EXT&mdash;FOREST ON PLANET, DAY

[Sheppard signals to the Marines to run.]

SHEPPARD If it's seen us, it'll blow Atlantis' cover.

EXT&mdash;FOREST ON PLANET, DAY

[Teyla and Lorne are running through the forest.]

SHEPPARD (over radio) Anyone get a clear shot, you take it. Understand?

EXT&mdash;OPEN AREA ON PLANET, DAY

[Cadman, Beckett and McKay are running across the open space together. The Dart is in the sky behind them, heading in the same direction. Cadman pushes Beckett out of the way and he falls to the ground.]

CADMAN Scatter!

[As Beckett lies on the ground, McKay and Cadman continue running. The Dart activates its beam and both of them are caught and disappear. Beckett watches the Dart fly away.]

EXT&mdash;STARGATE CLEARING ON PLANET, DAY

[The Stargate activates, the Marines are on alert and Sheppard takes up a position directly in front of the open wormhole.]

EXT&mdash;CLEARING ON PLANET, DAY

[Teyla, Lorne and the other Marine enter the clearing. As the Dart flies overhead, Teyla and the Marine fire their P-90s at it. Lorne fires the rocket launcher he has been carrying on his shoulder, but the shot hits a tree.]

TEYLA (into radio) It is heading towards the gate.

EXT&mdash;STARGATE CLEARING ON PLANET, DAY

[A Marine is pacing in front of the Stargate.]

TEYLA (over radio) We damaged it, but it is still on its way.

[Beckett comes running across the clearing.]

BECKETT Wait! McKay and Cadman have been beamed aboard that Dart.

SHEPPARD We can't risk the Dart making it back to the Hive ship.

[The Dart flies directly towards the Stargate and Sheppard and the Marines open fire. Smoke pours from one of the Dart's engines as it careens towards the hillside and Beckett.]

BECKETT Oh, God.

[Narrowly missing Beckett who throws himself to the ground, the Dart crashes on the hilltop. Sheppard and the Marines run towards the crash site. Beckett lifts himself from the dirt and surveys the burning wreckage in front of him.]

END TEASER

OPENING CREDITS

EXT&mdash;STARGATE CLEARING ON PLANET, DAY

[As Beckett approaches the smoking wreckage of the crashed Dart, the cockpit opens. Beckett raises his sidearm and walks slowly towards the ship. The Wraith at the controls is badly injured. As Beckett and the Wraith exchange looks, Beckett lowers his gun and raises his other hand in a gesture of conciliation.]

BECKETT I'm a doctor. I can help.

[The Wraith reaches towards the control panel of the Dart. As it does so, it is hit by a barrage of gunfire. Sheppard and the Marines have arrived on the scene.]

BECKETT What the hell do you think you're doing?

SHEPPARD He was reaching for the self-destruct.

BECKETT He's the only one that could get Cadman and McKay out!

SHEPPARD I seriously doubt he'd oblige.

[Teyla, Lorne and the Marine arrive at the scene.]

BECKETT Well, we'll never know now, will we?

TEYLA Is everyone all right?

SHEPPARD We're fine. Hansen, radio Atlantis. I want Zelenka here ASAP. We've got a problem.

[Later. The crash site is ringed by Marines as a group of scientists work on the Dart.]

BECKETT Colonel!

[Sheppard approaches where Beckett and Zelenka are working at the back of the Dart. They have a laptop computer wired into the wreckage. Sparks suddenly start flying as Zelenka performs an operation on the computer and he jumps in fright.]

SHEPPARD First time off-world?

ZELENKA (nervously) Yes.

SHEPPARD Well, if there were any more Wraith, they would have attacked us by now.

ZELENKA Really?

SHEPPARD If it makes you feel better. Did you find what we want?

ZELENKA Uh, well, yes, but it's very complex. This interface controls the machine that dematerializes people, stores their information, and then rematerializes them again when commanded to.

SHEPPARD Great. Command it to.

ZELENKA Uh, I can't.

BECKETT From what we can tell the materializer is storing two life-signs.

ZELENKA Yes.

SHEPPARD Which is good.

ZELENKA Yes, but there is only enough power in the Dart's energy cell to successfully re-materialize one of them.

[The computer screen shows two white blips.]

ZELENKA Power to the re-materializer has been completely severed, and emergency backup power is completely run down.

SHEPPARD Okay.

ZELENKA You have to decide which one we are going to beam out.

BECKETT It's a terrible choice to have to make.

SHEPPARD It's easy. Beam out McKay. He'll figure it out how to get Cadman free.

ZELENKA No. No, sorry. I was unclear.

BECKETT There's no way of telling which is which.

ZELENKA Yes. They just read as life-signs.

SHEPPARD Perfect.

[Sheppard regards the screen for a moment then points.]

SHEPPARD All right, that one. Go. (to the people standing nearby) Stand aside.

[Everyone stands back from the rear of the Dart. As Zelenka performs an operation on the computer, the re-materialization beam activates and McKay appears.]

SHEPPARD Rodney, you okay?

MCKAY Mm.

[McKay faints and Beckett rushes to him.]

BECKETT His pulse is stable but I need to get him back to Atlantis.

SHEPPARD Teyla and Lorne, help the doc get back to the city with McKay. I'll stay here with Zelenka and try and bring as much of the Dart back as possible.

[Teyla, Beckett and Lorne struggle to lift McKay.]

EXT&mdash;ATLANTIS, DAY

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS INFIRMARY

[McKay is still unconscious, now lying in a hospital bed under a scanner with electrodes attached to his head.

BECKETT All of his vitals are stable. His body's reacting like he's been struck by a Wraith stunner.

WEIR So you think once the initial shock is over, we'll have the old McKay back?

BECKETT I'm afraid so.

[Beckett and Weir smile.]

BECKETT Have they had any luck with the wreckage?

WEIR No. Lieutenant Cadman is still in there somewhere. Did you know her well?

BECKETT No, not really. She's with the new batch that came aboard the Daedalus. She seemed quite lovely, though. She saved my life.

WEIR Well, you'll be the first person I call when we find her.

BECKETT Thank you.

[Weir leaves the infirmary.]

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS HANGAR

[A scientist is removing the materializer interface from the remains of the Dart. Several other scientists work on various things around the hangar.]

SCIENTIST Ugh! (mutters in German).

SHEPPARD How's it coming?

ZELENKA Well, the good news is we were able to stabilize her life-sign signature. Now it's just a question of getting the machine on-line again.

SHEPPARD Great. How do we power it up?

ZELENKA Well, that's the bad news. The machine uses a very specialized transformer to convert raw power into highly stable, very specific stream of power. Now, the transformer's crucial in operating the machine safely, and, uh, it's been damaged.

[Zelenka shows Sheppard a container holding several pieces of twisted, charred metal.]

SHEPPARD I don't suppose there are any spares in the trunk?

ZELENKA We're working on reverse-engineering one.

SHEPPARD Good. Let me know the second you have something.

ZELENKA (gives instruction to the other scientists in Czech)

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS MESS

[Ronon is eating a large plate of food with his fingers. Sheppard enters the mess and sits at the table opposite him.]

SHEPPARD Not bad, huh?

RONON It's fine.

SHEPPARD So, what do you think of Atlantis?

RONON It's fine.

SHEPPARD Have you thought about what you want to do after you're done here?

RONON Do you want me to leave?

SHEPPARD No, no. Stay as long as you like. I'm just saying, uh, you know your way around. You can take care of yourself in a fight. You hate the Wraith as much as we do.

[Ronon looks at him pointedly.]

SHEPPARD Okay, maybe more than we do. The point is, we could use a guy like you around here and you look like you could use a place to stay.

[Ronon casts a look over his shoulder at the Marine guarding him.]

RONON I'm not sure I fit in here.

SHEPPARD There's only one way to find out.

RONON Do I have to decide now, or can I finish eating?

SHEPPARD Take your time. And, uh&hellip; (offering a knife and fork) &hellip;try these. They work great.

[Ronon takes the cutlery from Sheppard and resumes eating.]

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS INFIRMARY

[McKay wakes with a groan. Beckett, who has been tending to another patient, comes to his bedside.]

MCKAY Hello. Oh&hellip;

BECKETT How are you feeling, Rodney?

MCKAY Um&hellip; terrible. What happened?

BECKETT You were scooped up by a Dart.

BECKETT Oh, great. How'd I get out?

MCKAY It's a long story, but I'm glad to see you're doing well.

CADMAN (voice) Hello? Dr. Beckett?

MCKAY Is that Cadman?

CADMAN (voice) Dr. McKay?

[McKay looks around the infirmary.]

MCKAY Where is she?

CADMAN (voice) I'm right here.

BECKETT Lieutenant Cadman is still trapped in the Dart.

CADMAN (voice) What?

MCKAY Who said that?

BECKETT I did.

MCKAY You said "what?"

BECKETT I said Lieutenant Cadman is still trapped inside the Dart.

MCKAY No, no, no. Did you just say the word "what?"

BECKETT No, I didn't.

CADMAN (voice) McKay?

MCKAY Yes. Where are you?

BECKETT I'm right here.

MCKAY No, no, I'm talking to Cadman. Shut up for a second.

BECKETT She's not here, Rodney.

CADMAN (voice) Yes, I am.

MCKAY You didn't just hear that? You didn't just hear Lieutenant Cadman?

BECKETT No, I didn't.

MCKAY Head set! (checks his ears) Not wearing a head set.

CADMAN (voice) McKay, where are you?

MCKAY I'm right in front of Carson.

CADMAN (voice) Oh, no. Put your hands over your eyes.

MCKAY Why?

CADMAN (voice) Just do it!

BECKETT Lieutenant Cadman is still trapped inside the Dart, and I think maybe you're experiencing some sort of&hellip;

[McKay puts his hands over his eyes.]

BECKETT Rodney, what are you doing?

CADMAN (voice) Oh, this is terrible.

MCKAY What's terrible?

CADMAN (voice) I can see that. I can see your hands over your eyes as if they were my eyes.

[McKay uncovers his eyes.]

MCKAY Carson. Hi.

BECKETT Hello.

MCKAY Who got us out of the Dart?

BECKETT Zelenka. But he only got you out. Lieutenant Cadman is still trapped inside the Dart.

MCKAY (shaking his head) No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

CADMAN (voice) This cannot be happening.

MCKAY Cadman's not trapped in the Dart.

BECKETT Excuse me?

MCKAY (pointing at his head) She's in here.

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS HANGAR

[McKay takes a piece of metal from the box holding the remains of the power transformer. Sheppard, Weir and Beckett are looking on.]

MCKAY Oh, nice work.

ZELENKA We were running out of power. I knew hardly anything about the machine. Who would have thought this could be one of the side effects?

MCKAY So instead of waiting to understand what it was that you were doing you just sort of mashed on the keyboard, hoping something would happen?

ZELENKA You're alive, aren't you?

CADMAN (voice) Ask him if he knows how to fix it.

MCKAY He doesn't know how to fix it.

ZELENKA What?

MCKAY (pointing at his head) Talking to her.

WEIR So you can hear her thoughts?

MCKAY No, no, not her thoughts, thank God. I can hear when she's speaking, or when, I suppose, she's trying to speak.

WEIR Are you sure he should have been discharged from the infirmary Carson?

BECKETT According to the MRI, he's as healthy as he ever was.

CADMAN (voice) It doesn't feel very healthy in here.

MCKAY Well, we can't all be track stars, now, can we? (to the others present) It was her again.

SHEPPARD Maybe there's something wrong an MRI wouldn't pick up, if you know what I mean.

MCKAY I'm not crazy. I just have another consciousness in my brain.

SHEPPARD So he just looks crazy?

MCKAY I'm sure I do, but only because Dr. Fumbles McStupid over here was in way over his head.

ZELENKA Yes. Yes! I made a mistake trying to save your life! Now, do you want to try to fix it or do you want to continue to berate me some more?

MCKAY I am perfectly capable of doing both at the same time. Now, I assume you've tried to run one of our own generators&hellip;

ZELENKA It's not as simple as that.

CADMAN (voice) Why not?

ZELENKA The trick is having it interface with the Wraith machine in real time. The power fluctuations are, are huge. If we overshoot just a little&hellip;

CADMAN (voice) Wait. What does that mean?

ZELENKA &hellip;we're screwed up.

MCKAY Okay, okay. I'm sure if maybe we can write an interface program that can take care of all&hellip;

CADMAN (voice) Hello? Rodney? Will you please answer me?

MCKAY Here's what I want us to try.

CADMAN (voice) Rodney?

MCKAY We'll take a, um&hellip;

CADMAN (voice) Rodney?

MCKAY A naquadah generator&hellip;

CADMAN (voice) Rodney!

MCKAY And, um&hellip;

CADMAN (voice) Rodney!

MCKAY And, uh&hellip;

CADMAN (voice) Rodney!

MCKAY (shouting) Yes! What?

[Everyone looks at McKay in surprise.]

CADMAN (voice) Stop ignoring me.

MCKAY (frustrated) Well, stop asking stupid questions.

BECKETT Rodney?

MCKAY I will get you out of here, okay? But just be a good little girlie and keep quiet.

CADMAN (voice) Don't you dare condescend me. This is as much my problem as it is yours.

MCKAY And do you have a degree in physics? Hmm? Well, what about mechanical engineering?

WEIR Rodney?

MCKAY (snaps) Yes? (calming down) Sorry. I'm sorry. What? Please?

WEIR Why don't we let Zelenka handle this?

MCKAY I, I'm fine.

SHEPPARD No, you're not.

WEIR And I'd like you to talk to Dr. Heightmeyer.

MCKAY I think it would be more useful if I was to&hellip;

WEIR Rodney. I'm not asking you.

[McKay looks around the room at everyone staring at him.]

MCKAY Fine.

[McKay leaves the hangar.]

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS CORRIDOR

[McKay is walking along, appearing to talk to himself.]

CADMAN (voice) Oh, stop sulking. You're acting like a two-year-old.

MCKAY This is your fault, you know.

CADMAN (voice) How do you figure that?

MCKAY All you had to do was keep your mouth shut while I was working.

CADMAN (voice) You have no idea what it's like in here, okay?

[Katie Brown steps into the corridor behind McKay. McKay stops walking and she watches him seemingly talking to himself.]

MCKAY Yes. Yes, I do. I know exactly what it's like in here because I live in here. I like it here.

KATIE Rodney?

CADMAN (voice) Be cool.

MCKAY Katie? Hi.

KATIE Is everything okay?

MCKAY Yes. Yes, everything is just fine. I was just, uh&hellip;

CADMAN (voice) Talking on the radio. Talking on the radio!

MCKAY Talking on the radio. You're well, I take it?

KATIE I, uh, heard you ran into some trouble off-world today?

MCKAY Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes, but everything's fine now. It's all been sorted out. Back to normal.

KATIE Good. So we're still on for tomorrow?

MCKAY Yes, yes. Yes, I tell you, I'm very much looking forward to it. In fact, I'm sure it'll be a, you know, a wonderful&hellip;evening, and whatnot.

KATIE Right. Well, I'll see you then.

[Katie walks away, turning back to give McKay a confused glance.]

CADMAN (voice) You really know nothing about women, do you?

MCKAY I know plenty.

CADMAN (voice) Maybe this is a good thing.

MCKAY Excuse me?

CADMAN (voice) I could teach you a thing or two about the opposite sex, McKay. Lord knows you need it.

MCKAY This is hell. This is my own personal hell.

[McKay strides off down the corridor.]

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS GYM

[Sheppard looks on while Ronon is sparring with four Marines, punching them and throwing them to the mat on the floor.]

SHEPPARD All right. Let's try that again.

[One of the Marines looks up at Sheppard from the mat.]

MARINE How about you try that again&hellip; Sir?

SHEPPARD Maybe that's enough for today.

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS, HEIGHTMEYER'S OFFICE

[Rodney is sitting opposite Heightmeyer on a sofa.]

MCKAY And how do you feel you're qualified to help us with this problem, huh?

HEIGHTMEYER I'm not. Who could be? This was not covered in medical school. But I have spent quite some time as a couples therapist.

CADMAN (voice) Ha. We're not a couple.

MCKAY In any sense of the definition, not a couple.

CADMAN (voice) No.

HEIGHTMEYER In physics, a couple is defined as a pair of forces equal in magnitude, acting in opposite directions.

[McKay rolls his eyes.]

HEIGHTMEYER So you don't feel that applies here?

MCKAY That's very clever, but we're not equal forces.

CADMAN (voice) Watch it.

MCKAY And what I mean by that is that she's just a voice in my head. I have control of the body.

CADMAN (voice) I've seen your body, McKay. You can keep it.

HEIGHTMEYER How do you know that? She been able to access the part of your brain that creates speech and controls hearing. Why not movement?

MCKAY Well, if she could've, she would have by now.

HEIGHTMEYER Maybe you need to release control.

MCKAY Why would I do that?

HEIGHTMEYER Because, like it or not, you're sharing that body. The roles could have easily been reversed, Rodney. You could be trapped inside her body and wouldn't you like a chance to, say, talk to others without having to go through her?

CADMAN (voice) Yeah!

MCKAY Maybe.

CADMAN (voice) Maybe?

MCKAY Okay, yes! I would want that.

HEIGHTMEYER So let her.

MCKAY Oh.

HEIGHTMEYER Close your eyes. Take deep breaths and stop trying to control everything for a second.

[McKay closes his eyes.]

MCKAY (as Cadman) Hello? Hello?

HEIGHTMEYER Laura?

MCKAY (as Cadman) Oh, this is weird, hearing his voice when I speak.

HEIGHTMEYER Can you move?

MCKAY (as Cadman) I don't know. Let me try.

[McKay lifts his hand and wiggles his fingers, then suddenly snaps his eyes open.]

MCKAY Okay. That's enough of that.

CADMAN (voice) Oh, come on.

HEIGHTMEYER Dr. McKay, we were just starting to make progress.

MCKAY Well, progress won't be necessary if we can get her out of here. Now, I've calmed down. So has she. Now let me get back to work.

CADMAN (voice) Okay.

MCKAY Really? Oh, she's fine with this, by the way.

HEIGHTMEYER Sort of.

MCKAY So, yeah. Should I&hellip;

[McKay gets up and hurries from the room.]

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS ARMORY

[Sheppard is showing Ronon a variety of weapons.]

SHEPPARD This is a P-90. It's a compact, lightweight, incredibly sturdy, fully&hellip;

[Ronon picks up a P-90 and fires a barrage at a paper target, all of them hitting their mark.]

SHEPPARD Good. That's&hellip; ahem, good. All right, uh&hellip; This is a nine millimeter, semiautomatic&hellip;

[Ronon picks up a nine millimeter and fires off eight shots at a target, again all of them hitting their mark.]

SHEPPARD (smiling) That's good, too.

RONON I prefer this.

[Ronon pulls out his blast weapon and fires a hole through the center of the target.]

SHEPPARD I can see why you would.

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS HANGAR

[McKay and Zelenka are looking intently at a computer screen and technicians work on the Dart wreckage and at terminals around them.]

MCKAY All right. Let's give this bad boy a try. (to the German scientist) Start her up, but slowly ease her into it.

ZELENKA No, no, no, no. It's not ready. Some of these calculations are not right.

MCKAY Maybe you just don't understand them.

[A small explosion in the Dart wreckage sprays sparks and leaves a plume of smoke in the room. The scientist starts speaking in German in the background as she gets things under control.]

MCKAY What the hell happened?!

SCIENTIST We started it up.

MCKAY (furious) I said, "Slowly ease her into it!"

SCIENTIST I was at three percent.

ZELENKA The power requirements are delicate. We should have run more simulations before we&hellip;

MCKAY Yes, yes! Twenty-twenty hindsight.

ZELENKA You shouldn't be here.

MCKAY I'm sorry?

ZELENKA (firmly) I'm telling you, these calculations are wrong. Having two consciousnesses inside of a single brain must be very taxing.

MCKAY Listen&hellip;

ZELENKA You're making mistakes.

[Zelenka holds up a tablet screen and shows it to McKay.]

ZELENKA Now, leave it to me before you do more harm than good.

[McKay walks away.]

EXT&mdash;ATLANTIS, NIGHT

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS CORRIDOR

[McKay is walking along the corridor, rubbing his eyes tiredly. Sheppard comes up behind him.]

SHEPPARD You're up late.

MCKAY Mm. I, uh&hellip; couldn't sleep I was trying to clear my head.

SHEPPARD I hear the transformer test didn't go so well.

MCKAY Well, you heard right.

SHEPPARD Uh, listen, I wanted you to know that I gave the command to take the Dart down.

MCKAY Look, as much as I'd like to pretend that this is remotely your fault, the thought of what would've happened if you hadn't shot the Dart down is, uh&hellip;

SHEPPARD So&hellip; We're cool?

MCKAY No, you're cool. I'm fine.

SHEPPARD You should get some sleep.

CADMAN (voice) I could actually use some rest, Rodney.

MCKAY (pointing at his head) She says she's tired.

SHEPPARD Good night.

[Sheppard walks away.]

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS, MCKAY'S QUARTERS

[The door slides open and McKay enters, drops his headset on the table, and lies down on the bed. He appears to fall asleep, but then opens his eyes. He gets up, checks his body, then partially opens the zipper on his top.]

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS INFIRMARY

[Beckett is sitting at a computer, drinking a cup of something while he works. McKay enters and stands in front of Beckett, one hand on his hip.]

MCKAY (as Cadman) Busy?

BECKETT No, no. Come in. How are you feeling?

MCKAY (as Cadman) (grinning) Fine.

BECKETT Really?

MCKAY (as Cadman) Mm. Mainly because of Cadman. She's calming, you know? Between you and me, I am damn lucky it was her.

BECKETT Should you, uh&hellip;

MCKAY (as Cadman) Oh, she's asleep, can't hear a thing.

BECKETT Oh, well, yes, then. She seems like a lovely lady.

MCKAY (as Cadman) (patting Beckett's hand) Oh, that is so nice.

[Beckett looks uncomfortably at McKay's hand on his.]

MCKAY (as Cadman) (pulling his hand away) Ahem. Hey, um&hellip; You want to, uh, do me a favor? You know, you want to ride shotgun on this date tomorrow night?

BECKETT With Dr. Brown?

MCKAY (as Cadman) Katie.

BECKETT You're going through with it?

MCKAY (as Cadman) Well, I've canceled on her so many times. I don't want to mess this up.

BECKETT (confused) But what do you want me to do?

MCKAY (as Cadman) Listen, I don't think it's any big secret that I am terrible with women. Having someone there to cut me off when I start making a fool of myself would be a great help. I'd consider it a personal favor.

BECKETT Okay, Rodney. Fine.

MCKAY (as Cadman) Great.

[McKay slaps Beckett on the chest and turns to walk out. He stops and waves back.]

MCKAY (as Cadman) And thanks.

[Beckett looks mystified when McKay leaves.]

EXT&mdash;ATLANTIS, DAY

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS, CADMAN'S QUARTERS

[McKay wakes up, disoriented because he is clearly not in his own quarters.]

MCKAY Where am I?

[He glances around and notices that he is naked under a sheet.]

MCKAY Where are my clothes?

CADMAN (voice) Uhh&hellip; can't we sleep just a little longer?

MCKAY (grabbing his watch) It is 2:00 in the afternoon. Where the hell are we?

CADMAN (voice) We're in my room. Your mattress sucks.

MCKAY That is a prescription mattress. I need that for my back. Now, how the hell did we get here?

CADMAN (voice) I walked here, while you were sleeping.

MCKAY You did what?

CADMAN (voice) Yeah, it was a lot easier to use your body when you were asleep.

MCKAY Pants. Where are my pants?

CADMAN (voice) They're over on the chair.

[McKay goes to get out of bed, wrapping the sheet around himself.]

CADMAN (voice) Seen it.

MCKAY We have got to set some boundaries.

CADMAN (voice) Yeah. I'm sorry about that. I'm kind of used to sleeping in the buff.

MCKAY Okay, you've crossed a line here, Cadman.

CADMAN (voice) I guarantee it was more traumatic for me.

[McKay struggles to stand, wincing in pain.]

MCKAY Why are my legs burning?

CADMAN (voice) Oh, I sorta took us for a run before we went to bed.

MCKAY Oh, why in the world would you do that?

CADMAN (voice) Because it helps me unwind.

MCKAY Okay, okay, this is very important. Did you ingest any citrus? I, I am, I'm deathly allergic to citrus.

CADMAN (voice) Uh-oh.

MCKAY "Uh-oh?"

CADMAN (snickering) Rodney, look, I worked out, I came here, and I went to bed. Jeez, loosen up.

MCKAY I would love to, but every muscle in my body is sore from your stupid workout.

CADMAN (voice) So, uh, what's on the board for today?

MCKAY More of the same. Why? You have any ideas?

CADMAN Yeah, actually, I do.

[McKay fumbles with his underwear behind the sheet.]

MCKAY Don't look.

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS GYM

[Teyla and Ronon are sparring with Bantos rods. The door opens and Sheppard enters.]

SHEPPARD I thought we were supposed to be sparring today.

TEYLA You were late, so Ronon and I&hellip;

[Ronon knocks a rod from Teyla's hand as she turns her head to speak to Sheppard. The other rod flies from her grip too, Ronon grabs her by the throat and throws her to the mat, pinning her on her back with his rod in her face. Sheppard rushes over, grabs the rod and pushes Ronon away.]

SHEPPARD What the hell do you think you're doing?

RONON I wouldn't have hurt her.

SHEPPARD Well, it sure the hell looked like you were going to.

[Ronon walks away.]

SHEPPARD You okay?

TEYLA I am fine.

[Ronon walks out of the gym, followed by his two guards.]

TEYLA I told him that he did not have to go easy on me.

SHEPPARD You've got to be careful what you say to this guy.

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS, CADMAN'S QUARTERS

[McKay is sitting on the bed, tying his shoelaces.]

MCKAY No, it is completely out of the question.

CADMAN (voice) Why? You'd rather go it alone?

MCKAY Oh, yes, imagine that. I'd rather go it alone.

CADMAN (voice) Well, consider the opportunity, right? To have a woman there with you, helping you out, feeding you lines. I really think you could learn something.

MCKAY Thank for the offer, Cyrano, but I think I'll pass.

CADMAN (voice) I was there when you bumped into her, okay? I felt how nervous and awkward you were.

MCKAY I'm sure that has nothing to do with my current situation.

CADMAN (voice) Come on, Rodney, let me do this for you. Maybe this is why this happened.

MCKAY This is why this happened?

CADMAN (voice) Yeah.

MCKAY Are you insane?

CADMAN Considering our situation here, I think I've been extremely reasonable. I can make this a living hell for you, Rodney. This is something I want to do, and we're doing it.

EXT&mdash;ATLANTIS, NIGHT

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS, TEYLA'S QUARTERS

[Teyla is doing stretching exercises on her bed. The door opens, revealing Ronon standing outside. His two guards are behind him. Teyla sits up.]

RONON I wanted to apologize.

TEYLA Come in.

[Ronon enters.]

TEYLA Do not worry Ronon. It was&hellip; impressive. (offering him a seat) Please.

[Ronon sits on a chair, facing Teyla.]

TEYLA How are you finding your training?

RONON You mean my test?

TEYLA (concerned) Is that what you think?

RONON Am I wrong?

TEYLA Colonel Sheppard believes you can be of great help to us.

RONON Why did you join them?

TEYLA My people are strong and proud, but Atlantis is the best hope for us all. I suspect you see it, too, or you would have already left.

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS, KATIE'S QUARTERS

[Katie is putting an extra place at the table that she had set for dinner.]

BECKETT I am so sorry. I thought he told you that I'd be joining you for dinner.

KATIE Well, he has been under a lot of stress lately.

BECKETT Yes. In fact, that's why I'm here.

KATIE Is he all right?

[The door open and McKay enters.]

MCKAY I'm late. Sorry. Hi.

KATIE Carson kept me company. Sit down. The first course is all set to go.

MCKAY Carson.

BECKETT Rodney.

MCKAY (confused) What are you doing here?

BECKETT (equally confused) You invited me.

MCKAY Oh, I did? Did I? Yes!

KATIE Please, sit.

[Katie serves Beckett salad while McKay starts eating.]

CADMAN (voice) Don't start eating, you idiot! Make a toast first.

MCKAY (whispers) Yes. Yes. Yes&hellip; (aloud) A toast. (raising his wineglass to Katie) To you. We've been working together for&hellip; some time now, a short time, but, um, in that time, I've often found our interchanges very, um&hellip;

[Katie and Beckett exchange awkward looks.]

MCKAY Ah&hellip; what I mean to say is that you are very funny and smart and&hellip; and, uh&hellip; And from what I can tell, you, you make a delicious salad. So&hellip; to you.

[Katie smiles.]

BECKETT Yes. Cheers.

CADMAN (voice) All right, good. That wasn't so bad. She's obviously into you, so at least we have that working for us. Now, I was thinking that we&hellip;

[McKay begins drinking down his glass of wine.]

CADMAN (voice) Wait, McKay. McKay.

[Katie looks uncomfortable at McKay.]

CADMAN (voice) Stop drinking the wine. You're going to get drunk. Actually, wait, yes! You need that to loosen up a bit. Finish it off!

[McKay drains the glass.]

CADMAN (voice) Good boy. Yeah.

[Katie and Beckett are eating in silence.]

CADMAN (voice) Say something, McKay. Come on, say something that'll start a conversation.

MCKAY So, um&hellip; Do you, uh&hellip; um&hellip;

KATIE (expectantly) Yes?

MCKAY I forgot what I was going to say. What was it? Um&hellip;

[McKay stands up, one hand on his hip.]

MCKAY (as Cadman) Okay, this is ridiculous.

[McKay walks around the table to where Katie is sitting and takes her hand in his.]

MCKAY (as Cadman) Katie. I really like you. In fact, the past few months here have been made more livable, thanks to you. I wanted tonight to be special, but for reasons I can't go into now, I've got to leave.

KATIE Oh. (standing up) I'm sorry to hear that.

MCKAY (as Cadman) But I don't want you to be insulted or to wonder whether or not I am interested in you, because I am. I am very, very interested.

[McKay takes Katie in his arms, dips her and kisses her, then he stands her up again and releases her.]

MCKAY (as Cadman) See you soon.

[McKay turns around and puts one hand on Beckett's face for a moment, then walks out.]

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS CORRIDOR

[McKay is walking along the corridor, seemingly talking to himself.]

MCKAY Give me back my body. We have to go back.

MCKAY (as Cadman) And do what? I bet that is the most honest you've ever been with a girl, and it wasn't even you.

[McKay struggles to regain control of his body.]

MCKAY I can't believe you're doing this.

MCKAY (as Cadman) We just tried to do too much too fast, McKay.

[McKay continues to struggle to turn around.]

MCKAY Please. Please, go back.

MCKAY (as Cadman) Nope.

MCKAY Uh, uh&hellip;rock, paper, scissors. I'm the left hand, you're the right. Cadman&hellip;

MCKAY (as Cadman) Fine.

[McKay plays rock, paper, scissors with himself, the left hand forming rock and the right forming paper.]

MCKAY (as Cadman) Yay! Paper beats rock. We leave.

MCKAY No. We&hellip;

[McKay slaps himself on the face.]

MCKAY Ow!

MCKAY (as Cadman) Get ahold of yourself, man.

ZELENKA (over the public address system) Dr. McKay, report to the hangar. Dr. McKay, report to the hangar.

MCKAY Hello. That's us.

[McKay turns around awkwardly.]

MCKAY Thank you.

[McKay walks off down the corridor.]

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS HANGAR

[A scientist puts a plastic box containing two white mice on a table. Sheppard and Weir look at them curiously as Zelenka shows McKay the work on his computer.]

ZELENKA We've been running simulations all day. I think I may finally have something. I was able to get the generator to run on a buffer loop, which tricks the Dart into taking only the power that it needs without overloading.

MCKAY Mm. Great. Good thinking. Now, can we just see it?

WEIR Anxious?

MCKAY Yes.

ZELENKA Okay. Firing.

[The Dart materializer unit is mounted in front of the table and fires a beam at the mice, which disappear from the box.]

ZELENKA All right. Life-signs holding steady. Now, re-materialization initiated.

[The beam fires again. Everyone has a look of disgust on their faces. The box contains two charred, smoking black mice.]

SHEPPARD Now, I'm no scientist, but those mice used to be a different color.

MCKAY This is never going to end. I'm going to be stuck like this forever.

EXT&mdash;ATLANTIS, SUNRISE

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS CONTROL ROOM

[Weir is walking around the control room making notes on a tablet while Sheppard follows her.]

WEIR I'm not sure it's a good idea, John.

SHEPPARD Elizabeth, you've got to see this guy in action. He is an incredible shot. None of my guys could beat him in a fight, and he's ex-military.

WEIR Yeah, not a military on Earth.

SHEPPARD Well, look, the guy's got no place to go.

WEIR You're not just being charitable?

SHEPPARD No. I'm not, and I think he'd make a great addition to my team.

WEIR We don't know anything about him.

SHEPPARD Well, what's there to know?

[Weir leaves the control room and towards her office where people are waiting for her. Sheppard follows.]

WEIR Well, anything would be helpful. He's not very forthcoming.

SHEPPARD He's been on the run from the Wraith for the past seven years. What do you expect? Look. Listen. Just talk to the guy. You owe him that, at least.

WEIR Okay.

[Weir goes into her office and Sheppard walks away with a slightly worried look on his face.]

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS, HEIGHTMEYER'S OFFICE

[McKay sits opposite Heightmeyer on a sofa. McKay has is face in his hands then takes them away and looks up with an angry expression. McKay and Cadman are both speaking with McKay's voice, but he turns his head to the side when it's Cadman speaking.]

MCKAY (as McKay) I would like an apology.

HEIGHTMEYER Laura?

MCKAY (as Cadman) Forget about it.

HEIGHTMEYER You did take over his body without permission.

MCKAY (as Cadman) He doesn't ask permission when he takes over.

MCKAY (as McKay) You&hellip; because it's my body!

MCKAY (as Cadman) Yeah, and I'm a guest. Try and be a little more courteous.

MCKAY (as McKay) You see? Do you see what I have to put up with?

MCKAY (as Cadman) "Put up with?"

MCKAY (as McKay) (angrily) There's a lot of stuff that I am not doing right now that I would be doing.

MCKAY (as Cadman) I don't want to hear about it.

HEIGHTMEYER All right, you two. Settle down.

MCKAY (as Cadman) Huh.

MCKAY Would you&hellip;

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS, GYM

[Ronon is teaching a group of Marines some knife fighting techniques. One of the Marines feigns attack and he goes through a series of moves.]

RONON Thigh. Strip. Cut. Lift. Cut. And finish.

MARINE Awesome.

[The door opens and Weir enters.]

WEIR Ronon.

WEIR Can I have a word?

[Ronon hands one of the Marines the practice knife.]

RONON Here.

[Ronon walks over to Weir. He folds his arms and waits for her to speak.]

WEIR I understand Major Sheppard extended an invitation to you to join his team.

RONON Yeah, he did.

WEIR Well, he was supposed to speak to me about that first.

RONON Okay.

WEIR Look, it's not that I don't trust you, or value any contributions you may have to make. Or that you will make, if you do join us, it's just&hellip; it is a rather big decision.

[Ronon doesn't answer.]

WEIR So how do you feel?

RONON I'm thinking about it.

WEIR Okay. Good. Well, I'm thinking about it, too. So I guess we'll just keep in touch, then.

RONON Okay.

[Ronon turns and goes back to the training session.]

WEIR Okay.

[Weir watches as Ronon resumes his training.]

RONON All right. Dismembering a defeating arm. Two knives. Slice. Cut.

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS, HEIGHTMEYER'S OFFICE

[McKay sits opposite Heightmeyer on a sofa. McKay has is face in his hands then takes them away and looks up with an angry expression. McKay and Cadman are both speaking with McKay's voice, but he turns his head to the side when it's Cadman speaking.]

MCKAY You're the one who said set up rules. Well, I did. I followed them. I stuck to them! She basically hijacked me.

MCKAY (as Cadman) Hey. You had a real opportunity to get inside the mind of a woman and actually expand your horizons. But, no.

MCKAY (becoming frantic) Did you ever, for a second, consider that I might not want to get inside a woman's&hellip;

[Rodney starts having convulsions.]

HEIGHTMEYER Rodney? Rodney!

[Heightmeyer lies McKay on the floor then runs to the intercom.]

HEIGHTMEYER This is Heightmeyer. Get Beckett in here stat!

[McKay passes out.]

EXT&mdash;ATLANTIS, DAY

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS INFIRMARY

[McKay wakes up in a bed in the infirmary. Beckett, Zelenka and Heightmeyer are standing by his bed.]

MCKAY What happened?

BECKETT You had a seizure.

MCKAY Why?

BECKETT From what we can tell, the constant fighting over the dominance of your brain is having a deleterious effect on its lower functions. Heart rate, respiration, organ function&hellip;

MCKAY (as Cadman) And that's not good.

MCKAY Of course it's not good.

BECKETT I'm not sure how long you can go on like this.

MCKAY What do you mean?

BECKETT These misfires will only increase in frequency and severity with time.

MCKAY Fine. She'll stop trying to take control of my body.

BECKETT It's not as simple as that, Rodney.

HEIGHTMEYER One of you has to release control. One of you has to let go completely.

MCKAY Oh, well, maybe if someone, say you, hadn't told her to try and take control in the first place, none of this would've happened.

HEIGHTMEYER I was just trying to help both of you.

MCKAY What happens to the person, the one who "lets go"?

BECKETT Well, we're not certain, of course. It's not like we've run into a lot of these situations before.

MCKAY (as Cadman) They would disappear. I know they would, because I can already feel it happening to me. It's getting harder to be in here. It's taking more of an effort.

MCKAY Has it always been like that?

MCKAY (as Cadman) The past few hours. You haven't felt it too?

MCKAY Of course I have, but I just thought I was fighting with you.

MCKAY (as Cadman) Look, where are we at?

ZELENKA Well, we successfully re-materialized a pair of mice. They were whole and correctly reconstructed&hellip;

MCKAY But?

ZELENKA They didn't survive.

BECKETT I'm afraid that if one of you doesn't let go, both of you will die.

MCKAY I'll do it.

BECKETT Which one of you said that?

[McKay doesn't answer.]

EXT&mdash;ATLANTIS, NIGHT

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS INFIRMARY

[Beckett and Heightmeyer are off to one side of the room, talking. McKay lies in bed, talking with Cadman.]

MCKAY You don't have to do this.

CADMAN (voice) Yes, I do, Rodney. It's your body, and you're not going to do it.

MCKAY Oh, what makes you so sure?

CADMAN (voice) They need you here, and as much as I hate to admit it, I'm not as important as&hellip;

MCKAY Stop it. That's not true.

MCKAY (as Cadman) Carson? I need something to write with.

MCKAY What are you doing?

CADMAN (voice) I'm going to write a letter to my folks. I'd appreciate it if you delivered it yourself the next time you gate back to Earth, Rodney. Explain what happened.

MCKAY Well, I'm not sure when I'll&hellip; The gate. We can use the gate!

BECKETT What are you talking about?

MCKAY The gate dematerializes you as you step into it, sending your information to the next gate so it can re-materialize you on the other side.

CADMAN (voice) We know that.

MCKAY (becoming excited) If we can take one of the crystal control modules from the gate and interface it with the Dart, we should be able to build a stable system.

[McKay tries to get out of bed but Beckett stops him.]

BECKETT Rodney, wait. I don't think you're in any condition to do this.

MCKAY I don't have time to talk. I need to get this done before the next seizure.

[McKay gets out of bed and runs off.]

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS HANGAR

[Zelenka looks on while McKay, still in scrubs but wearing a robe over them, places crystal in a control module which is wired up to the Dart module.]

MCKAY All right, let's do this.

ZELENKA Well, just because it works in simulation doesn't mean&hellip;

MCKAY I would prefer not to suffer a fatal seizure while we wait for you to round up more mice for testing, so, shall we?

CADMAN (voice) Rodney&hellip;

MCKAY Don't try and talk me out of this. I may very well listen.

CADMAN (voice) I was just going to say, "thanks".

MCKAY Well, you're welcome. I can honestly say that the entire experience has been very, um&hellip;

[Beckett, Weir and Sheppard arrive.]

MCKAY Ah. About time.

SHEPPARD Hold on, Rodney. I thought all the mice died.

MCKAY Well, what are we, mice or men?

WEIR Are you sure about this?

MCKAY Absolutely. Yes.

[Everyone looks very concerned.]

WEIR Okay.

MCKAY Just give me a sec.

[McKay steps into the beam target area.]

MCKAY Well, Laura, it's been, um&hellip; unique.

CADMAN (voice) To say the least.

MCKAY Good luck us both, hmm?

[Zelenka punches keys on the computer.]

ZELENKA All right. It's ready. (to the others) I suggest you take a step back. (to the computer) All right.

[McKay raises a finger.]

CADMAN (voice) Wait!

[McKay walks over the Beckett, takes him by the lapels and kisses him.]

MCKAY (as Cadman) Just in case this doesn't work.

MCKAY (stepping back to the target area) Oh&hellip; oh&hellip; just&hellip; just&hellip; Hit it.

[Zelenka hits a button, the beam fires and McKay disappears. The computer screen shows two blips.]

ZELENKA Okay. It's reading as two life-signs. Power levels are steady&hellip;

SHEPPARD Get 'em out of there.

[Zelenka hits another button, the two blips disappear from the screen and both McKay and Cadman re-materialize in the beam target area. They both fall to the floor, unconscious.]

BECKETT Let's get them to the infirmary.

EXT&mdash;ATLANTIS, SUNSET

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS GATE ROOM

[Sheppard catches up with Weir.]

SHEPPARD Oh, did you get the chance to talk to Ronon?

WEIR Yes, I did. Chatty fellow, isn't he?

SHEPPARD And?

WEIR He would be your responsibility.

SHEPPARD I knew you'd say yes.

WEIR I haven't said yes.

SHEPPARD Well, you were about to.

WEIR Yes.

SHEPPARD There you go.

INT&mdash;ATLANTIS INFIRMARY

[McKay wakes up, his blurred vision just making out Weir, Sheppard and Zelenka sitting near his bed.]

CADMAN (voice) Feeling better?

[McKay looks at the empty bed to his left.]

MCKAY Oh, no.

CADMAN (voice) Over here&hellip;

[McKay turns to the right, where Cadman is lying in a bed, waving at him.]

MCKAY Oh. Um&hellip; a little less crowded. You?

CADMAN Same. It's nice to have my own body back.

BECKETT You're doing supremely well.

MCKAY Oh, good to hear. (to Zelenka) Nice work.

ZELENKA Well, it was your idea.

MCKAY Well, of course it was, but you&hellip; you were&hellip; there.

SHEPPARD (To Cadman) Lieutenant, way to survive what I think may be my worst nightmare.

CADMAN Thank you, Sir.

MCKAY Yes, thank you.

WEIR I imagine you two might want a moment.

CADMAN Actually, Ma'am, I think I'd like some time alone.

MCKAY Same here. It's, um, it's been a while.

WEIR (to Beckett) All right, release them as soon as you can.

BECKETT Aye.

[Everyone walks away, Beckett giving Cadman's hand a squeeze before he goes. Cadman smiles at McKay and he smiles uncomfortably back.]

MCKAY Hey.

[McKay turns his head away and sighs heavily.]

FADE OUT

END CREDITS

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